sink or swim...

another sunday morning... i hate sundays, but i love the peaceful quality of sunday mornings. it's like the last day of vacation, where you wake up and really try to savor every smell, sound, and moment before you have to start packing. one last walk on the beach, one last vacation breakfast, one last look at the calm lake in the morning. i have so many vacation memories- my family used to take one at least every summer, and usually more throughout the year. but every summer for about six years, my family would go to this one resort-ish place in canada, called blue water acres. we stayed in very simple cottages spread out on the shore of a beautiful lake, and the kids had the run of the place, because it was so safe. the mornings usually involved coffee and a walk to the small beach to reserve some adirondak chairs, sign up for waterskiing, and then a doughnut from the bakery about 5 minutes up the windy road, filled with moose and (surprisingly) friendly brown bears. we would play all day, go on hikes, fishing, waterskiing, and finally end each day with a giant game of capture the flag throughout the property and a bonfire by the beach. what an amazing vacation it was... and how wonderful to spend a week every summer just playing by the lakeshore.

this summer has been a summer of changes for me, and i'm starting to try to plan vacations for my new family- husband and me. but where do we go? what can we afford? and when do we go? i've looked into taking a road trip to the carolina's (in my first strong attempt to persuade him we need to move to wilmington), yet i also want another honeymoon-ish trip, maybe an all-inclusive resort at some exotic island- st. lucia, bermuda, or something similar. i want to go out west and show dave the mountains, and i also want to save our money so we can experience italy together. the whole world is open for exploring, and i don't even know where to start. it's also hard when i've seen so much, and want to see it again with him... vacations were a way of life growing up, and it's interesting to try to figure out how to fit them into my new life.

i wanted to maybe take a friday off and spend a long weekend up at the lake erie islands before summer slips by, but i'm not sure if we'll be able to, now. i just received a promotion at work... it's so new and i can't wrap my head around it. it's something i'm extremely excited for, but i now have to figure out how to balance all that i was doing, with an entirely different full-time job. i had wanted to position myself to move into this role in some fashion eventually, but was shocked when they told me that i would be taking over soon. and not only taking over, but keeping all of my other responsibilities as well. needless to say, i'm feeling overwhelmed. i don't even know where to start- i don't know how to organize myself, i don't know what exactly i'm responsible for, and i don't know anything about managing this much responsibility. i know it will come in time, and it's still very new to everyone... it's just such a challenge (and such a vague one), that i'm sort of still spinning. don't get me wrong- it's an amazing job title, as well as an amazing amount of trust and faith they put in me, and i am so, so blessed to be working at a company who is willing to give me this opportunity. i guess like anything else- i'm scared at the change, i'm questioning myself, and i'm really questioning how to adjust to yet another change this summer.

isn't it funny how my life is filled with such great new opportunities and challenges, yet the fear of not succeeding keeps me up at night? why can't i have the courage to look at a new trail and feel as though i can conquer it with no doubts? i guess these big new steps in the big, scary world of being an adult make me wish i had some more time, some time to savor the moment, figure out my feelings, take a second, like the last day of vacation to appreciate every smell, every moment, and every step towards the water. it can't just be sink or swim...

"when you arise in the morning, this of what a privilege it is to be alive: to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love" - marcus aurelius