love affair with the tropics

ok, maybe not a love affair with the tropics, but definitely a love affair with the water. i grew up in a town with a beach... and to be honest, my favorite time to visit the beach is the fall. let me explain: in the summer, the beach is filled with a vast array of the trashiest, whore-iest, nastiest people cleveland has to offer. and i'm not exaggerating. the beach is littered (literally and figuratively) with trash. you can find extended families with about 20 children running naked around, screaming, and their barefoot, pregnant moms chasing after them. or, sometimes, sitting and smoking with them. you can find a representation of the biggest gangstas/wangstas cleveland has to offer, often with their whole ass/boxers hanging out and a nice little shaved chinstrap along their face. then there's always the fun game of tattoo scavenger hunt. i bet you i could find a popeye tattoo with a naked chick hanging on the other arm and a tweety bird on the calf. see? i win!

when i was little, mom used to forbid me to go there by myself, of course the second i was allowed to ride bikes to get ice cream i would promptly disobey her, and often be exposed to the most tricked out pontiacs around. bass blaring, green neons running along the side, and pornos playing in the trunk. then they would all rev their engines and take off to drag race, or just drive really loudly to their parties.

so, the beach in the summertime is not always the most fun time. however, in the fall, when its cold enough to scare away most of the trash and leave behind only a few stoned teenagers, i love going and sitting by the water. for as long as i can remember, i have gone to the beach when i need to think, when i need to be reminded of how large the world is, and how signficant and completely insignificant i am. i guess i feel a sort of strange connection to the water- it reminds me of a different world-- i once heard that we know more about outer space than we do the ocean-- but it also reminds me of the most special memories... vacations, laughter, even the feeling of conquering your fears. i have so many memories with the water- from my short stint on the diving team in high school, including the bruises it gave me as i learned new tricks, and the feeling of freedom as i plunged from a 7 meter platform, and also the time i sunk beneath the surface after hitting my head on the board... it reminds me of learning to waterski, flying across the surface, and the moments of solitude as i sat on the beach, writing in my journal when i was 15 years old.

i went to visit the mountains out west with my family and i felt unsettled. i guess i felt unsettled for a number of reasons (the mormons in salt lake city did not help), but i knew i could never feel peaceful next to them. i saw how majestic and beautiful it was to see mountains covered in snow as you drove along the highway, but it reminded me of how much i love the ocean, the lake, the water. i really think i have a love affair with the tropics. i breathe easier when i'm standing on the edge of something immense and complex... and i feel much more connected to the ground. today i wasn't feeling well at all, and needed to escape my house and its stuffy air, so i walked the short walk to the beach. now, i would love to live on the water, but sometimes it's so magnificent to me, i wonder if my house were on the edge of that if i would be able to handle it. it would be a cathartic experience almost every time i saw the water... anyway... random musings before bed... i need to get some rest so i can feel 100% for the weekend- i love weekends.