i almost just wrote a blog post on the amount of television i've been consuming. you're welcome for saving you. instead, i will (in true oxymoronic fashion), discuss the fact that i feel so busy lately that i can't get a grip. i read someone's facebook status saying something about how she feels she's "always chasing her tail," and thought- yeah, i agree! ... insert comment about the epiphanies that now come from facebook.
the ultimate question- do i have the time, or do i just not make room in my schedule? i know i spend a significant portion of my time at work, or at events for work. however, when i am not at work... can i be more productive, and feel less like i have no time to do anything or see anyone? the truth is, i'm feeling drained. i barely have time to see my mom- we seriously schedule our time, and if that doesn't work then we schedule a timeframe. i feel guilty then making time to see others if i feel like i can't even connect to my mom- my best friends- etc.
and, to make this a full-circle complaint, i don't think i've ever consumed this much television in my life as i have recently. husband and i have 3 main tv shows we watch regularly. that's 2 more than i've ever watched regularly. EVER. when it's not one of those shows, it's criminal minds. that shit is addicting.
so, enough about the tv. the point is- i'm feeling drained, devoid of energy, unable to find time to work out, unable to get my ass off the couch and see those whom i need to reconnect with. i blame three things...
1. the weather. it's dark and cold. i can't go for walks by myself or with others because a) i'll get taken by some psycho like on criminal minds, and b) it's cold, dark, and icy.
2. i do work a lot, i think. when i was teaching, i was working a lot, too- but i would be done with my day at 4pm. now i'm not getting home until close to 7, sometimes much later, and all i want to do is collapse and not deal with things for a little while. (as an aside- i'm disappointed i'm not more concerned with my transition from working when i got home from work to the not opening my outlook unless necessary policy i've adopted since getting married and getting the house. i would think i would feel a little more guilty not working in the evenings, but i actually feel somewhat relieved). essentially, i'm gone/not at home/busy for at least 12 hours. that's half of my time right there...
3. marriage. i will say that marriage has many wonderful perks, but my time has been eaten up. it's pretty draining to be around someone all the time, i think. i don't always mean draining in a bad way, either... just take the word draining at face value. it's energy draining, sometimes great and wonderful energy and sometimes just energy.
and you know what- i look at my mentors at work and their time schedules- the e-mails, situations, brain power they put towards their projects... and i feel guilty. they, and really all of my colleagues, spend an incredible amount of time at work and with clients, and when they're not at work... they are working. i work with some of the most dedicated individuals i've ever been around. if we had that type of work ethic at the country club, it would be a much different place. it's inspiring, and then i start to think... i am really not that busy... i find time to watch 4 tv shows, right? i should be able to get up and go run a mile before work... i should be able to make phone calls when i'm at home instead of only in the car... i should be able to cook dinner, clean, and keep up with the laundry without the house looking like a fucking tornado by the end of the week. ... i can't.
i need this life coach to examine my time, change my habits, force new behaviors into my world. i also need a life coach to tell me to stop swearing in my blog post, write a novel already (dammit), and go to bed, emily. this post probably reads pretty poorly. i'm tired, so tired my head isn't staying up and every other word is being misspelled. ok, life coach- bed it is.
more later, more frequently, i promise.
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#1--Life will never be how you "think" it should be
ReplyDelete#2--Your life/house will most probably never be in the order you "think" it should be in
#3--Try not to compare yourself to others in the work environment--what you "think" you want now in your career may change later as your priorities change
and finally...#4--Enjoy your "down time" now and watch the shows you like (decompression is good and is not meant to make one feel guilty)--it's needed and necessary. Plus, it wont always be there :)