if you see me slouching.

the holidays have come and gone... and instead of a sense of longing, i suddenly feel rested, encouraged, enlivened. i know it looks dead outside, but instead i think the new year has created some much-needed motivation and put some more life in my world. since the holidays are gone, i can look forward to saving up some money, enjoying time with friends, enjoying more free time, and moving forward on some goals that (now) seem only natural and very attainable. it was nice this year to have long weekends, feeling as though everyday is sunday, yet better than sunday because tomorrow is another free day.

it has occured to me that i have not been doing much to enlighten myself, to challenge my mind, to question my world. through the use of social media, i put my words and thoughts out there (twitter, this blog), yet i can't seem to see how anything i have written has enhanced anyone's day, expanded their mind, or enriched their life. maybe for entertainment purposes, maybe, but i am better than that. instead of an endless stream of babble, i am going to try to focus on enrichment. before i send my thoughts out to the universe- i will ask myself how this will enrich or enhance someone's day. if i cannot answer that question, then it is not worth sending. the world is not my sounding board, and i will respect those by trying to share only relevant and interesting information (according to yours truly, of course. hah).

it's not just the babble- but i am almost ashamed that each day i find myself unable to cite an article that made me think about something in a new and different light. so, i am reading more. taking my english department head's advice on this one. a bit of background: when i came to college, i had taken a post-secondary class on english composition that dealt more with critical theory than i ever experienced in four years of undergrad combined. it was challenging, and my professor at the local community college was exceptionally smart. she also made me re-write my paper on marxist ideologies and how they relate to 20th century plays (yes, i was 17 years old) TWICE until i made a sound argument. (the paper was titled "marxist paper from hellllll" on my computer, and still is). in high school, i was somewhat lazy, tired of the authority, the pot-smoking preppy AP kids. i was not a chosen "smart one," i did alright enough to earn scholarships, but not enough to care or be recruited for any AP class. so, my confidence level in my writing ability was not all there, and i don't know how much i cared, beyond what this professor at the community college told me (or didn't. looking back, i see that her making me re-write things must have been a compliment, but a simple 'A' would have made me feel better).

when i got to college, i figured i would probably major in writing, minor in education, and possibly history. my first literature class led to the professor (head of the english department) pulling me aside to discuss my potential. i told him i wanted to be a writing major. he lectured me with an argument that made two valid points. 1) i already knew how to write. 2) in order to learn to write well, you must first read. a lot.

so, i was an english literature major by my sophomore year and never looked back. (except now when i wish someone would have just simply SHOWN me what a press release looked like. aka real world writing). for the sake of mentioning it, this professor also realized my oxymoronic combination of laziness and longing for perfection. he therefore rarely gave me an a, although frequently used samples of my writing as examples to the other english students. story of my life, let me tell you.

anyway, my old professor's argument point #2 always stuck with me. in order to write, you must read. and i know this to be extradinarily true... when i am reading, thinking, challenging myself and the author, i become a better writer (and probably a better person). self realization of 2010- i am reading more. not just novels, but articles, blogs, magazines, and some critical reviews. first up: the dolphin people. next up: the zookeeper's wife. next? something non wwII. (i can't get stuck in a rut)... possibly a book called something like the bluebird and women's search for happiness (just read a review of it and it looks promising). i am also going to try to keep a better house... in order to complete my oxymoronic self, i must discuss being a wife and an intellectual.... and yes, i'm struggling to succeed with both of those.

back when i started this blog, i discussed the concept of a post-marriage me. it's becoming clearer and yet fuzzier at the same time. it doesn't seem so limiting, but at the same time, it's like planning a vacation... where do i go? what can i afford to lose? what can i invest? more questions and more opportunities have appeared, and yet i somehow feel more settled.

oh, and my final (i think) resolution: better posture. if you see me slouching, please remind me. i won't be mad, i promise. cheers!