Forever and Almost Always

"and you'll be mine, forever and almost always..." a lyric from a singer/songwriter i happen to love.

at almost(!!) 25 years old, i guess i'm young to be almost(!!) married one year, have a home, a puppy, and in general spend my friday nights lounging on the couch watching movies and doing laundry. to some reading this, that may sound like hell. i mean, it's not the 1950's anymore, right? i'm a young woman, a young professional, i should be at happy hours, exploring the city, making new girlfriends and closing the bar with a cosmo in each hand!

this weekend i talked with a friend about the concept of forever. getting married is a huge commitment- how was i able to do so and make the transition seamlessly? i guess to preface-- i did not exactly make the transition without some bumps in the road. namely my senior year in college i decided to change everything about my life (teaching? nah). i went through some pretty rough weeks sorting through my emotions and getting myself prepared to "take the plunge." however- once i made the decision (again-- I think since i was 17 i had made the decision to be with him for a very long time), it wasn't about looking back. and it wasn't that much about looking forward.

one thing i'm trying to consider and remember is the importance of each day, each hour, each moment. at 25 years old (while it IS young), a quarter of my life is over. the decision that was eventually unquestionably the right one, the decision to get married, is really more based on a here-and-now philosophy. he makes me happy NOW. i know that someday i want to build a family together. (i don't know that someday- i know that NOW, but i don't want a family NOW. does that make sense?). i know that right now, to be the happiest person i can be, it's right here, in this home, with this guy, and enjoying my time spent with another person. maybe that's a childish way to look at things, but the here and now of a "forever" perspective is important to me. it's important to remember what it feels like to laugh, to enjoy a lazy sunday, to enjoy the days we spend together. and those days turn into weeks, which turn into months and years, and eventually we've enjoyed a whole year together, and forever doesn't seem so crazy. if we make healthy decisions for the best in our relationship, then we will grow together through the years. i know that if i'm ever more unhappy than i am happy, i can make decisions to help me through that. i'm not saying that i went into the marriage thinking it could go wrong- on the contrary, i went into a marriage choosing to be happy. happiness that lasts every day (except when he leaves his socks in the hallway), and then every year.

maybe for some, happiness is living a life of a roller-coaster-- the ups and downs of dating, breaking up, dating again, choosing to be with people who don't have the potential to make you happy for days on end... maybe for some those hills and valleys of emotions work. for me, they don't. i don't believe i was too young to be married, to choose to be happy. it's an interesting concept, this "forever"... and instead, it's more like a forever and almost always concept- it's not about the forever, it's about the choices you make today and tomorrow and the next... the choices that will make you well, make you healthy, and make you feel as though you're living.